The Voice in Your Head (and What to Do About It)
You know that voice — the one that pipes up at 3:42am. Or pm, it's not fussed.
Annoying. Persistent. Insistent.
The one that questions everything. That loops. That casts doubt, throws shade, whispers annoying little ramblings always and often. Maybe like you've fucked it. AGAIN. Or similar.
You’re not alone. You’re not broken (well, not as far as I know).
But it might be time to change your relationship with that voice.
Part I: Know It — “I see you, you pesky dog”
The Buddhists gave your voice a name (well, not your voice, per se; the voice): Mara.
Not a monster. Just a pattern. A trickster of sorts — sowing doubt, distraction, delay. Mara doesn’t storm in with pitchforks. She creeps in quietly. A familiar tension in the chest. Doubt. Judgement. Procrastination - these her clothes of choice.
The Buddha’s response? Invite her in (for tea. Preferably green).
“I see you, Mara.” (he'd say...)
Simple. Disarming. Disruptive.
It’s that small space — between noticing the voice and becoming it — that changes everything.
Next time the pressure rises, or your head spins, try it:
“I see you, Mara.”
Notice. Pause. Breathe.
invite her in for tea.
Part II: Name It — The Voice You Inherited
Jim Loehr, a performance psychologist, studied elite athletes - people like you and me, obvs - and others who've trained their entire lives for a moment of extreme, bone jangling pressure.
He noticed something: their internal voice was familiar. Flipped on it's head - if you have kids (or know any), the voice you use with them in moments of pressure, stress or tension, is the voice they'll use in their heads, during the same.
Parents. Teachers. Coaches. Bosses. Praise withheld. Approval dangled.
That voice in your head? Often not even yours.
“Why do you always do this?”
“Get it right.”
“Don’t mess it up.”
So when your mind turns sharp, rushed, critical — ask:
Whose voice is this?
Name it. Not to blame. But to choose differently.
And yes, again: I see you, Mara.
Part III: Love It — Without Letting It Drive
This is the hardest bit.
Not to silence the voice. Not to fight it. Invite it in for tea and ENJOY IT!
The nervous system doesn’t respond to attack with wisdom. It responds to kindness.
Try this:
Hand on chest. Breathe deep — all the way in. All the way out. Three times. No more needed.
You’re not indulging the voice. You’re calming the system. Creating space.
This is how you rewire. This is how you return.
From cortisol to oxytocin. From flinch to presence. From war to relationship.
The Practice (Simple. Not Easy.)
Know it — Notice the pattern. Disrupt the loop.
Name it — Whose voice is that? Is it true? Is it yours?
Love it — Breathe. Gently. Kindly. Let your nervous system come home.
You don’t need to kill the voice in your head. Just stop giving it the keys.
If This Resonates
If this helped you remember something softer inside — pass it on. We all know someone living in their head right now. Maybe you’ve been that someone too.
If you like this - and you'd not be alone(!), I dive a little deeper in my podcast series on the same. Check out part I of the three parter here.