My younger son has started big school. At the mo, we're cycling together a few days a week.
Wise neuroscientist and brain hemisphere researcher, Ian McGilchrist, in a recent talk, spoke about silence. Of creating space free from noise, surrendering, from which insight or intuition is free to grow. This is a different version of haloing I wrote about last week.
In the same interview McGilchrist spoke about prayer. That this too is an act of silence, not the asking for something or proclaiming we're told towards. Ask for nothing, nothing, he says.
Noting the habits of my controlling mind, cajoling and managing my son up the road - 'beware this', 'do more of that' and other embarrassments - Mara, my friends - today I cycled with a quiet. Well, a quieter mind. More open. In prayer. Asking for nothing, nothing.
The whole way up the hill, the chat came.
And hard that it is too. The mind doesn't do quiet. It fills the void with chat. Chat that aims out, at my son riding his bike, or internal, judging, angry, loathing back at me (ouch).
Until it quiets enough to notice.
And in this, some insight.
A question circling the crevasses of LeanMind-ers is a version of who am I? Who am I now that I've tried and succeeded at the chase, the hungry pursuit of goal and growth? Who am I underneath this? And am I comfortable with the answer?
We are no longer beholden to the tribes and tribulations of school life. There is no need to fit in. It's time and opportunity to return home to the smorgasbord of quirks and confusions that make you you, and me me.
A few years ago, I hosted a podcast, Peripheral Thinking. We'd showcase ideas on the margins, because what's hiding on the margins shapes the mainstream tomorrow. I'd introduce you to people and ideas, and you'd carry thinking back to the day to day of your lives.
One guest, zen monk Haemin Sunim, responded to my first email with a 'that's a great name. I've always felt like a peripheral thinker'. He's a great writer too.
And maybe this is the point.
Who we are seeks to express in what we do.
If we'll listen and allow; the acorn, your daemon, speaks.
And so with the pod. Yes, I was interested in misfits and curious outsiders, people tinkering on the margins.
But maybe the podcast was pointing me somewhere. To the margins of my mind, towards my own misfit nature, to me hiding on my periphery.
And with that, all the way back to the ride today.
Who am I? How comfortable am I being me?
This came up on the wheels down.
Settling into it requires an ease, a steady presence. A love and care. An open mind and heart. Being home to all of you - to your doubts, fears and shame. These a rich part of the picture too.
It requires a questioning, an openness.
I grew up in story of entrepreneurship, of business, commerce and creating my own opportunity in the world. And this shaped my Act I. It was safe. My dad liked it.
And in the gift of prayer today, of sitting quiet, cycling all the way home, back down the hill - something else. To my quirks and insecurities, to fears and doubts of letting people down. And a reclaiming of my own peripheries: a love of the mythical and mystical. Of seeing and making flesh that which is unseen. Of worrying less about 'business' and more about a spirit of care, creativity, love and connection.
And in this, a peace.
May you enjoy your cycle home too.
If this resonates, you're welcome to come and see what we're up to at the Temple On The Hill. Hit reply and I'll tell you more.