How To Navigate Into Your Always Uncertain Future?
Chatting to a friend yesterday he voiced what many think and feel about their work and predicament.
That he's had enough
And wants to move on
But worries he's just shirking difficulty
And the kids like to eat and need a roof over their heads (as unreasonable as they are), so what choice does he have?
Seemingly irreconcilable contradictions leave most people stuck where they are; flatter, greyer and paler versions of their yesterday selves. Happy days.
This is a post about all this - and what to do about it.
To my friend's predicament, I'll return.
Which Tide Are You In?
There’s a metaphor we play with over in the LeanMind private network. It's about the sea.
Maybe you’re in the Striver state; you swept along in a fast moving, outgoing, rip. This is busy you, full of stuff, demand after demand, managing difficult people (idiots, anyone?!), seemingly intractable problems, one obstacle after another, unfolding through your day, life. It’s a lot. And it’s all on you. Well, feels that way. No wonder you're tired…if occasionally thrilled (it’s strange what we get addicted to).
If not the Striver, than maybe the slack water?
There’s a point when the outgoing tide stops, pauses, and holds, before turns incoming. This pause, the still point, is known as the slack water; neither moving in or out. This slack water can be relieving and relaxing, like a warm bath. Or it can disorientating and confusing, particularly for those recently out of the Striver, riptide energy.
Nothing lasts forever though and, as sure as night follows day, so the outward tide turns and returns. This incoming tide we name the Surfing Sage; it’s you turning up, clear and emboldened, in your gifts, rooted in value, working and living in service of your most, joyful important work. An effortlessness to your endeavour, irrespective of busy or strain or complexity. LeanMind is both a product of my Surfing Sage and offered in service of you realising yours.
It's Not Just Tide. But Depth Too.
The map tells a story of the tide: out > pause > in. And cycle back through.
But the same spirit - Striver > Slack > Sage is one of surface to depth too.
The Striver is swimming on the surface, where the storm rages most powerfully. The Slack Waterer, by comparison, is descending. Less susceptible to the surface level rage. They / you are deepening. Which brings all the way to the Surfing Sage; like the kelp forest on the ocean floor, gently swaying to the rhythm of the sea, so the sage moves with the ease, clarity and purpose of the entire ocean. They act from deep - their motivations, interests, values, their intention and story, all clear and steady.
Which points to a further truth:
The striver is extrinsically, outside in motivated
The slack waterer, by contrast, more introspective, intuitive
The surfing sage is intuitively aware, introspectively clear AND outwardly, action oriented. Boom.
So...
The Striver is all surface level reactivity vs The Sage, depth / clarity of thought, purpose, action.
The Striver fights for control vs the Sage trusts.
The Striver is head / brain dominant vs the Sage emboldened and empowered by three brain wisdom: head, brain, guts together.
Which brings us back to the predicament of my above mentioned friend.
How to reconcile the seemingly contradictory realities, like:
I've had enough of this. I need to move on.
Am I just running away from difficulty?
I need to provide for my family.
Choose Don't Decide
We like to think we're good at decisions - that we're the architect. It supports the 'master of my universe' narrative the ego demands.
The story we're telling that ‘I’ did 'a' and decided 'b' and a glorious 'c' followed. Champagne all round!
The truth is somewhat different - I write more on this here; stop deciding and start choosing. In short, effective choosing is in our ability to sit with discomfort. This never truer than when attempting to reconcile seeming intractable opposites - like knowing you don’t want to do your work / run this company anymore, whilst also doing right by you, your family.
The invitation is two fold:
Remember - you can’t out think your thinking
Channel more your inner Surfing Sage.
Firstly, in trying to think our way out of our most gnarly problems, we simply layer the thought pattern deeper, digging ourselves further into a hole we want out of.
The world is awash with frameworks and tools and approaches. Consider these surface level lifeboats. They have a place, of course.
They'll struggle to have out or through complexity, however.
For this, dive deeper - into your belly, where the kelp forest gently sways.
Try This
Sit quiet, for even just a moment. Take a deep breath in, and out. Maybe repeat three times. Then bring to mind your gnarly questions, like my friend's above. Hold them, as prickly contradictions, in your belly. How do they feel? Where, indeed, do you feel? Is it your belly? Or somewhere else? Maybe your chest? Are they hot or cold? Maybe do this with the calming balm of your hand on your chest. And breathe into it. As you sit, ask yourself: how best to navigate through this? What is most important to me? And, after sitting like this for some time, write what follows.
After you've dabbled your toes, you might try this overnight. Meditate on the questions before bed, and write what flows in the morning.
This is freedom from the vomitations of your mind. This the route to deep wisdom, to more effortless knowing.
This an exercise in not knowing, in sitting with uncertainty.
This how to navigate into your always uncertain future.
What are the most gnarly challenges you're currently wrestling?
Email me. I can help you through.
Ben