From My Dad To You

You and I were mid conversation - admittedly not a great one, me talking at you - unfolding week by week.

And now this.

Having promised you a sequence, I'm breaking my rules.

Six weeks ago my dad died. Last week we buried him.

Well, not us, literally.

It was a beautiful day; sadness and joy, humour and tears, sandwiches without tomatoes, as he would have wanted.

Grief is an emotional journey, home to the obvious. And the surprising.

Like waking up the other night in a sweaty panic that I might have only 23 healthy years remaining.

A life ending is a reminder to live well, to live now.

What might this involve? Many things, of course, but for the purposes of this, these three.

1) want your wants.
2) grow pools of appreciation
3) participate.

Want Your Wants.

It’s difficult to live well if you don't know what you want.

Difficult too if you’re never taught how to know.

School certainly doesn't help.

Maybe a better model to feeling clearer is play > learn > create. Everything school isn't.

What do you want?
And how are you receiving it?

Maybe you want to create things. Or connect people. Or spend time diving deep with a magical few. These some of mine.

Receiving is a different challenge.

We grow up swimming in story. Story about who you are and what you’re allowed. Or a story that it's ok to want for others but not for you,

Complicated.

It’s difficult to receive if you don't believe you're allowed.

Check yours out.

Receiving is a curious thing.

Know someone always wanting yet never quite receiving?

The company to grow.
New unfound riches.
Peace at home.
Love.

Receiving all you want requires you to become someone new.

Grow Pools Of Appreciation.

There's an idea neuroscience made popular: where attention goes, energy flows.

This applies to the good and bad, the desirable and less so. To gratitude and appreciation.

I've played the gratitude and appreciation game a few times and got nowhere.

Until recently.

it was words in my head. Friendly noise. Little more.

Until something shifted.

Gratitude requires feeling more than speaking.

From words in the head:

Be grateful, they say.
Write a list, that say.
Speak it out.
Share it.

To feelings in the body.

Your feet in your socks.
The support of the chair.
The love of a friend.

There is beauty in this. Bathing in the warm glow of these kindly hugs.

But don’t stop there.

Gratitude too for what you don’t like, or overlook.

The doubts. The worry.

The voice in your head:

“Yeah, yeah, this gratitude stuff is a bit fucking stupid, no? You can pretend to like your feet in your socks, but that’s not a real thing. Oh and that client you’re pretending to be grateful for, is all well and good, but it’s not enough to keep the lights on. And they’ll fuck off soon anyway, leaving you destitute".

Ouch.

Here’s the thing.

Let these same feelings wash further.

Into the messy doubts, the disliked stories, the voice in your head.

And as you do, this too quiets, falls away.

And that feels good.

It’s like building a new home.

One that is grounded, awake, creative.

A steadier home base.

Participate

I might have called this create. But didn't.

I was on a walk and talk with a client (coaching on the move, that I do with a few). He described turning up more for his work and business.

Hide less, participate more.

Speak up.
Dive into the project which feels risky.
Have the difficult conversation.

All this is hard from a house built on sand.
Grow your steady.

Appreciate what you have.
Ask for what you want.
Participate.
​
#COYI (iykyk)

Dad, unavoidably 1970's. A time when even Richmond Park demanded disco.
Me with dog.

If this resonates for you, please share with a friend.